Giving

Zambia is....amazingchallengingconfusingstressfulbeautifulwonderfultransformational. I really don't have words to describe the people here, how much I'm learning from them, and how much I love them. And being here and seeing the many things I see has forced me to question a great deal in the area of giving. To be honest, the need here is overwhelming, and the pain and suffering is very very real, more real than I often want to allow myself to believe. I've gone through a wide range of emotions and thoughts; everything from feeling tortured as I crawl under the covers in my heated home knowing that others are not as warm in the frigid Zambian nights, to desperately trying to cling to all the "stuff" that makes me comfortable and forget the big challenges here. I found that I really needed a framework for understanding how to live now that my own little world is a little bigger.

I don't have it figured out. I realized that it kind of sounds like I've got some magic explanation to share after that last paragraph, which I don't. But because I've gone down many thought paths that are not healthy, helpful, or good, hopefully I have a tiny bit of insight I can share about giving in the context of the love of God.

I've learned that, at least for me, the initial tendency is to give out of comparison. The train of thought is: "I have so much and they have so little so I need to give to them." This comparative analysis is counterproductive in several ways. One, it becomes one-directional. In this thought process we can never receive, we are above, we are in power. How horrifying! Giving is about relationships, which involve humility and recognition of the fact that we don’t, in fact, know everything. And a unilateral approach forgets that everyone is gifted, that we too are in need, and in the middle of the learning process. It also leads to separation: “me” and “them” as opposed to “we.” It ends with minimization of others: “they have so little.” Out of this place we are actually disrespecting and devaluing others, instead of the opposite.

Two, it urges giving out of guilt and shame. This is clearly not what God intended and there are no passages in the Bible that follow this train of thought. Since this logic begins with “I have so much,” we start out as guilty; in the negative. We feel bad about what we have, and feel we must deny it to wipe away our guilt. This is all wrong. In this people give to justify themselves instead of out of genuine love for the well-being of others. It leads to a lack of thankfulness and a self-focused form of giving.

Three, it removes humanity from giving, which in turn may result in resentful giving. A simple knowledge of the proportional differences teaches you nothing about the human person behind the “quantity,” or the immense value God has for that person. Thus knowing intellectually that you have more than others in a certain area does nothing with your heart. It will be easy to feel angry about giving; why bother sacrificing when you do not care about the person for whom you sacrifice? It can actually lead to the exact opposite: clinging to “stuff,” giving leftovers, or giving nothing at all.

In this system of analysis, it’s easy to get caught up in solely financial “haves” and “have-nots.” If this happens, we may begin to think poor cannot participate in the gift of giving to others because our focus is on only the material. Jesus CLEARLY goes against this—when a widow gave less than 2 pennies as an offering, he said she gave more than all the wealthy givers, and the poor are blessed and gifted in his “economy.” The poor DO participate in giving when it's no longer motivated by or limited to comparative financial analysis. I cannot tell you how much my homeless friend Safya or my widowed friend Joyce have given to me. God’s gifts are diverse, and not limited to financial resources. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is a listening ear (or maybe two).

God made us, He actually structured us and formed us, to give. It sounds crazy and counterintuitive, but it’s a gift that we can give! It's healthy and good. He gives (in so, so many ways) because He cares, and He gives so we can also give. God celebrates who we are, which is not dependent on what we do or do not have, or know, or possess, or achieve. Thus our motivation should NOT stem from looking at what others have, but who they are. Which is a person loved by God. And if they are, we too should love, celebrate, and value that person. Which means desiring their good.

I believe our attitude when meeting someone in need, be it materially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. is to start by seeing them as a human being loved by Christ. If we know that, we want to give for their own benefit, because they are valuable, and to give for their own good because they are equally loved. Desiring good because they are loved by God entirely changes out motivation to give, as well as the executed giving itself. We are no longer resentful or guilty, we are no longer giving to serve ourselves, and we are no longer on differing levels. It removes the power dynamic and inserts a celebration of the fellow human and the God who made them beautiful. This means that our willingness to give is not dependent on, or proportional to, what we have. The attitude is not to look at how much less they may have, but how equally they are loved and valued.

I don’t offer up an equation for how to give, because I’m really not sure there is one. Those points at which we struggle to know what is right can lead us closer to God, and since God gives creatively, it would be a shame to reduce it to an empirical analysis. I’m literally writing this as someone who really, really struggles to love and to give healthily and in a holy way. But if I’m learning anything, it’s that where our love is lacking and broken, God can supply and heal. And I must remember that I’m needy too.  

And one final thing: it’s important to remember that our value doesn't stem from what we possess either. So it’s not worth clinging to the “stuff.” Our aim should be for our love to grow.

John 13:34-35:  “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Jeremiah 31:3 “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’”

Ephesians 3:16-21: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Waving hello...

...and making silly faces! Aren't these kids the most amazing???/

Deborah joking around with my glasses!

What the what.

Lettuce!

Yup, brussel sprouts

The avocados here are water-bottle sized. The teachers at Mercy will use them as paper weights, then cut them up and add a touch of sugar...so so good!!

Honestly, the craziest and most beautiful plants grow here!

An education in education

This is crazy long, but there are pictures!!

Every day I'm definitely receiving an education in Zambian education. Teachers here seldom explain conceptual or contextual elements of problems, there is little critical thinking, and a great deal of memorization; these are perhaps traces of the British system. Yet the curriculum in Zambia is much more holistic than that of the states; students can be tested on their national exams on everything from very practical health and wellness to religion to arts.  There is a wide spectrum of payment for teachers because there are so many types of schools; some are wealthier, but many teachers in community schools are paid between $20 and $40 a month, whereas others are just called "volunteers" because they are paid next to nothing. For these teachers students often bring items like soap, bread, and other necessities the teacher cannot afford, so it's easy to understand low retention rates of these "volunteers" in community schools. They may teach multiple grade levels in a one-room classroom. In Zambia, the grade number can be deceiving. Students attend whenever they can afford school (and school-related) fees, or whenever their families can afford for them to be out of the home. If a student is no longer able to pay the fees, they may drop out for weeks, months, even years at a time, and some are unable to return at all unless their financial situation improves. School-related fees are often the clincher for families, because students must purchase uniforms, supplies, pay for transportation (or housing or boarding close to the school), etc. Students must also pass examinations periodically to move to the next grade level, and if they do not pass they remain and begin the term again. Thus, in a 4th grade class, there can very easily be a vast age range, varying from 9-year-olds to post-14. This definitely makes the classroom an interesting and engaging place!

To be honest these people are an utterly undeserved gift. Kids who won't go to lunch because they say you're a good teacher (the more accurate assessment is that they are fantastic children who make teaching fun!), children who shout out in excitement during prayer that they're thankful you came, teachers who make huge progress in their own mathematical understanding and say they wish you'd come in January, and friends who give you margarine and white bread sandwiches during teaching breaks. At Mercy specifically I teach mathematics to grades 5, 6, and 7, Bible study, crafts (which is an adventure...I can draw stick people.....! :) ) and I work with the teachers on their mathematical comprehension. One adult wants to go re-take her 12th grade exam! She's awesome! Others are going to the university via correspondence, and some just want to learn. At Chikumbuso I work with groups of 7th and 9th graders who are preparing for their national exams, and I lead a short Bible study with children after school. The students are so engaged and willing to learn, and it was amazing to see the progress and excitement at the end of the lesson.

I've been reading a study on sexual harassment and abuse in Zambia, specifically focused on gender-based violence in schools. You can find the study here, and I would absolutely recommend reading it if you have the time. Male-dominating cultural values here often impose beliefs of stupidity and incapability upon girls and enable men to abuse females around them. Girls are propositioned, threatened, coerced, bribed, raped and touched by male teachers as well as classmates. Sometimes girl students believe, because this has been reinforced in a slew of societal norms, that they are less capable of academic success. They assume they can only succeed in school by allowing abusers to violate them in exchange for academic favors or assistance. Others are simply targeted because of their gender. Teachers will bribe students with better grades, or if the instructor is well off, they will pay for food, school fees, books, shoes, or school uniforms required to attend school, or other necessities to manipulate students into engaging in sexual relations with them. 66% of households living below the basic poverty line in Zambia, and so the struggle for necessities makes many students vulnerable. When girls refuse propositions, teachers often give them poor grades, embarrass, beat or neglect them in class, or speak falsely to the parents of the students. 

National exams in Zambia are a very big deal. It's expensive enough for students to attend school, so you can imagine the pressure they feel to do well. And often they won't have an opportunity to re-take because of financial constraints. This opens the door for teachers to bribe students with “leakages” (test answers) or one-on-one “tutoring sessions” in the teacher’s home in exchange for sex. The reality of this occurrence makes me all the more vigilant about working with the students at Chikumbuso who are preparing for their exams in hopes that they will not see a need for leakages and are confident enough to say no to propositions, and to pray for my students!

However, female students are not only at risk in school, they can also be preyed upon in transit. Students often walk very long distances to school, and so sometimes kids will try to hitch a ride along the roadside. It absolutely breaks my heart when I see girls standing by the road who could be picked up by any driver who stops. Students commonly walk anywhere from twenty minutes to over eighty one way to get to school—cars are a luxury. The blue minibus system here is unsafe and unreliable, and so even those not soliciting a ride run the risk of becoming victimized: U.N. Special Rapporteur on Violence against Women noted that Zambian “girls are reported to have sexual relationships with minibus and taxi drivers as a way of coping with transport costs.” To avoid the long transit, some students will stay at boarding schools that are often makeshift dormitories. These girls are extremely vulnerable to sexual abuse by men, including truck drivers who temporarily stop near the boarding houses looking for sex.

Girls who become pregnant as a result of these violations bear the stigma and discrimination, financial burden, and responsibility. Physically, these pregnancies often result in unsafe abortions, and if carried full term, also mean significant risks considering the very young age of the girls. CPP and HIV/AIDS are two other major physical risks. Further, sometimes families won't pay the fees for a pregnant student. This often leads to early marriage and drop out, along with the psychological effects such as anxiety, PTSD, suicide, depression and stress. One study found that pregnancy was the reason for 25% of dropouts in Zambia, with 36,256 girls leaving school because of pregnancy between 2004 and 2007.

As far as reporting and convicting is concerned, the “absence of clear policies and procedures for preventing and responding to abuse, attitudes among school authorities that minimize abuse or blame the girl student, inadequate or inappropriately lenient responses by school teachers and administrators, and insufficient support services for children who are subjected to abuse” are a few major barriers. Many girls are not aware of school policies or procedures to address abuse, “did not view what had happened to them as an offense, felt that nothing would be done about what had happened, feared that they would be disbelieved and blamed for the sexual abuse they had suffered, or worried that the perpetrator would retaliate against them. Many of those concerns were grounded in girls’ personal experiences or their observations of classmates’ and friends’ experiences.”

Thus there is a normalizing sexual abuse, and an attitude of blame toward the girls. Because it seems structurally and culturally there is a lack of alternatives, the school environment can be very unpleasant, discouraging, and hostile. Studying is difficult enough without the fear, baggage, or marks of abuse and this hopelessness and discrimination often leads to absenteeism, abandoning school, and, for those who stay, diminished academic performance, shame and beliefs of stupidity and worthlessness. One of the things that makes me sick is the teachers often tell these students that they love them in order to receive sexual favors. And girls just start to accept this treatment and start believing this is the extent of "love" and of their worth, because the people who claim to care very clearly don't support these assertions with their actions.

On the other end of the spectrum, the teachers at Mercy and Chikumbuso are truly astounding. These teachers make a distinct effort to love and value the students they serve, and to show them that they are cared for and treasured by God. It's a true honor to learn from these people, I look up to them so much! When I see so much pain and injustice it's easy to forget to be thankful for the good that IS happening. And there truly is a lot to be thankful for, and to pray for. Below are pictures of a few friends...at Chikumbuso once the kids start to get to know you they want to take a million pictures! Meet some of these cool kids!

As you can see, Deborah (in the orange shirt) loves to hop into photographs!

One of the kids snapped this one!

A main street in the city portion of Lusaka

These lil guys will be bananas someday!

Just, you know, for reference.

How do you like your impala?

List of questions I never thought I'd be asked:

1.) How do you like your impala?

End of list.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration...I'm sure there are other things I could add. But I can now say that I've digested some of a small African antelope. Definitely not kidding when I say each day is a new experience!

When I come home from Mercy, my pants usually covered in chalk and red dirt, I can't help but think how incredibly grateful I am to be here and to be spending my days alongside so many wonderful friends. The kids are so welcoming and willing to learn, whether it's mathematics or crazy crafts. I love just listening to them, whether it's over a lunch of rice or nshima or during prayer time when they tell me what's worrying them and what they are excited about. And it's so much fun to get to know the other teachers; one of my best friends here in Zambia is a co-teacher at Mercy and during lunch today we spent almost an hour listening to music from all over (and learning a few sweet moves from the kids...I promise I'll never reach their level of awesomeness). 

Today I spent some time with some Zambian drummers who taught me a few songs and drum beats. These are two absolutely incredible guys; they've been doing AIDS education in Zambia for over 25 years, and they're in the planning stages of a new project focused on environmental sustainability and food security for a group of women suffering from HIV. Environmental issues are actually a hugely significant problem in Zambia; since almost all cooking is done over a fire deforestation is climbing at an acutely dangerous rate. I hope to visit the site of their new project this weekend, so I may have more to share with you then! Thank you for reading!

Hypocrite-in-process

           In the past week I've spent time teaching at Mercy and working at Chikumbuso. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love this place, and the people. I have so much to learn about Zambia, and everyone here is so kind and gracious! I wish you could meet all of these people. During one of the lunch breaks at Mercy, I sat with with a co-teacher friend of mine and we simply talked for hours and ate (quite possibly the largest plate of rice I've ever encountered; they feed the students well!).  And Beauty, one of the widows at Chikumbuso, invited me to her house as she told me her life story. A widowed friend of mine and I prayed that she would feel less ill, and a few of us laughed about my first nshima meal. Serah, a student in my sixth grade class, gave me a lovely drawing she made in our craft class...pretty much in spite of me, I'm horrible at art and can only sort of handle stick people!...and wrote along the bottom "I love you so much." Tiny snippets don't do them justice, but I hope you can get to know and love these people at least a little bit!

         I've spent some time trying to truly think and understand the profound hopelessness found in a lot of these slums; it is a victory to make it past five as a child, and kids literally grow up without dreams because they don't anticipate living long enough to grow into any aspirations. They have seen siblings and parents die, and I really don't know how to grasp what it's like to believe you won't survive to the age in which most dreams can be realized. And the fact that these are real human beings, not categories or statistics or just pictures, is a problem for me. Today at Chikumbuso the teacher asked all the students of the class to introduce themselves and say what they would like to be when they grow up. I'm not kidding when I say I almost cried with excitement seeing these children who live in the slum and who were receiving the gift of education, food, and healthcare, stand up and say they want to be pilots or nurses or teachers or pastors, to hear them giggle when others spoke, and to see their joy about completing their education. These kids have hope. I still really, really don't understand why there is a lot of difficulty in life. But I do understand a little better why God says these three remain: faith, hope, and love. And why He says the greatest of these is love. (See verse 13). Without these three, life collapses. With them, life can be possible, even beautiful.
         I  would love to just sit here and write, after spending time here, that I'm utterly remade and compassionate and "good" (I mean, that'd be a nice thing to be) and that I will forever love well and love completely--with the kind of love that actually gets you off your butt and your mind off yourself--and that now I know how to live simply so others can, well, simply live. But it isn't true. The real truth is that I'm a huge hypocrite-in-process. I care about these people, but I spend a lot of time thinking about the way I look. I want to help them, but I'm also really lazy and the thought of actually being able to do something makes me just tired sometimes. I love being in Zambia, but I find myself thinking of ways to fit service into a more comfortable, easy lifestyle and crafting eloquent justifications for selfish behavior. And mostly, it's really scary to think of caring about real human beings, instead of simply causes from which I can justify walking away. Because if I actually try, actually meet, actually see, I'm vulnerable and responsible. I remember sitting in my dorm room in winter at Northwestern feeling so frustrated and upset and angry because the homeless shelters close by were overflowing. I knew my homeless friend Jeff would be sleeping outside in the wet snow. Jeff is a real person I love, poorly at times, and he's not a cause or a group. He's somebody that I know! And I know these people now, Beauty and David and Ruthie and Agness and Edna, but I still find that I'm pretty stuck on myself. So I'm a hypocrite-in-process. Donald Miller in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years said "when we live [our story], we are telling the people around us what we think is important."  I'm really trying to figure out how to re-mold what I think is important, and how to actually live it.

You may not see many pictures of people or children on this blog, at least not for a while! I hope to be very, very careful about maintaining the dignity of the people here, and I never want them to feel on display or an object for pity or minimization and marginalization. In fact, my hope in serving in Zambia is to do the exact opposite: to care for these people and show them that they are valued and loved...even though I know I'll make lots of huge mistakes. Picture-taking can be done in an appropriate fashion, and I hope the opportunity will arise for me to share these people I love with you in snapshots, because I'd love for you to meet them "face-to-face!" But that's not the end goal, so please forgive the lack of pictures for the time being. Here is just one snapshot of a time when the widows and I were celebrating the delivery of a soy bean donation. It was a very fun time for all of us!
Thank you so much for reading!

Baby elephants

 Hopefully later I will be able to share a few stories, but for now please enjoy some pictures!

 

These roadside stands are everywhere in Zambia; this one is very nice. The white bag in front contains mealie-meal, which is used to make nshima.

 

 Fresh avocados are unlike anything found in a supermarket!

 We met these rescued elephants at an orphanage just south of Lusaka. Poaching is still a very serious problem here--just a few days ago, over 80 elephants were killed by poachers--so many baby elephants are left without parents. One of these little (um, comparatively little) guys was rescued after falling into a swimming pool!

I'm a little bit tall. Also these birds are ginormous.

 

They live here.

 I made friends with a zebra...

 

...and an ostrich.

 This is beautiful David, a child of one of the widows at Chikumbuso. He was making silly faces at the camera, and when he looked at the pictures, he'd crinkle his nose and laugh so much he stuck out his tongue. When you wave at him he just erupts into a smile, and he loves dancing along with music!

   

Thank you so much for visiting! I hope you'll come back soon for stories.

Stamped

          Stepping off the plane and standing in the customs line last night, I was basically jumping up and down inside (well, as much as one can after lots of flying!) at the impending Zambian stamp in my passport and the beginning of my time here. I am so honored and thankful to be in Lusaka!!!

          Today, to my absolute excitement, I was able to visit two of the groups with which I hope to serve. The first is the Chikumbuso Widows and Orphans Project in the Ng'ombe "compound" (the Zambian way of explaining a slum) in Lusaka. Chikumbuso is a cheery grouping of classrooms, a beautiful library, and small buildings to accommodate their variety of programs. They seek to empower the most vulnerable: their community center opens the door for 73 widows to work on a micro-enterprise that brings them back to life economically and socially. Today I was able to help some of the widows make some of their incredible creations, and it was such an honor to sit with these women and simply listen. In Zambia, unlike in the US, you can still be called a "youth" until you're around thirty...there is a culture of respect and meaning toward surviving to become elderly, here it is an accomplishment and not something to dread. Chikumbuso's school of over 350 students also incorporates a feeding program, offering lunches of nshima (a starchy, warm, grounded paste made of maize flour called mealie-meal), beans, and a relish made of greens, onions, and tomatoes; many of the children served would otherwise not receive food outside of this basic program. I cannot describe the joy found in waving at a child and seeing their face light up with excitement, and in learning their names and becoming friends! In the tailoring room at Chikumbuso are 30 young adults who have left the streets of the slum to come to learn new life long skills in both tailoring and cooking. Finally, Chikumbuso includes a sponsorship program for grandparents in the community as well as children; for the grandparents, many of whom are the sole caregivers for children orphaned by HIV/AIDS, Chikumbuso supplies mealie-meal, oil, candles, soap, salt and, just recently, firewood to fuel new rocket stoves (more about stoves here: http://www.globalgiving.org/projects/fuel-efficient-stoves-for-23-grandmothers/). For sponsored children, funds go toward providing a mattress, blanket, mosquito net, washing basin, toothbrush, toothpaste, umbrella, a new pair of school shoes, a health card that provides a years worth of services at the local clinic soap, mealie-meal, oil, sugar and beans, as well as the finances to pay school fees for continuing education (i.e. going past 6th grade).  This sponsorship also makes it possible for children to attend the school at Chikumbuso without  penny of fees. Across the board, from sponsorship of grandparents and children to orphans who stop by for a meal, Chikumbuso operates in a manner of respect for all people with the goal of increasing their well-being and self-sufficiency.

          Mercy Ministries, the second organization I visited, is Zambian-run and receives a great deal less attention and US assistance than Chikumbuso. The classrooms are small and made of natural materials, the library contains books in vernacular, and so many children want to attend that they split the day into shifts of students. Their focus is a lot smaller, no sewing rooms or micro-enterprise stores, but I definitely felt at home at Mercy. The program manager Edna introduced me to several classes, and she told the students: "Molly is here to love us, if you have any problems with math she will help you, please pray for her and love her and care for her!" At this the children smiled and laughed and waved with excitement. I was so incredibly humbled and thankful. Something else I love about Mercy is they actively seek to educate and value students with disabilities. In Zambia and in many African countries those with mental or physical handicaps are considered cursed, and the extra care necessary for these individuals, even if others desired to give it, often exceeds families' available resources. These deeply rooted beliefs about spirituality and tradition with regards to health in general inhibits people's perceptions about medicinal treatment, and it often leads to abuse of the ill or neglect of personal illness when "spiritual" remedies do not bring about results. In fact, in native vernacular there is no word for "maintenance," only repair, and this attitude is reflected in the actions of citizens with regards to health. Screenings and preventative medicine are mystifying, and the lack of immediate response to illness because of culture, finances, proximity, availability, quality and a slew of other reasons often leaves preventative illnesses untreated and a great deal of people marginalized. Thus, the care and service of those with special needs at Mercy is truly unique and carries immeasurable value. To learn more about Mercy, stop by their facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/MercyMinistriesZambia. Hopefully I will have more stories to share soon about the amazing love of those in both groups soon. I can't wait to share and celebrate these people with you!

          It's all very new and I have so much to learn and to love about this place. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and learn how to love Africa alongside me!!

Welcome!

Welcome!
Thank you so much for visiting. July 8th I depart for Lusaka, Zambia and I can't wait to love the people there. I hope this blog will allow me to share a little bit of Africa with you. Hope to see you again soon!